The beginning of a new relationship is often looked upon as the most electric and dizzying; a time when all you can think about is the awesome person in your life. Although it may feel like you can do no wrong during those first few months of being together, there are some things you have to avoid like the plague.
Certain topics are very delicate at this point, and if you come on too strong, your new friend may take it as a warning sign that you’re looking too far ahead. Go with the flow, live in the moment and take a look at the following tips that will help your relationship move along swimmingly.
Number 10
While physical attraction was probably what gave you the courage (or motivation) to initiate a conversation with your woman/man in the first place, it is important that you show them that sex need not come first. If you want to make this relationship a serious one, don’t think of sex as a top priority. This is a great move on your part, as you are showing them how smitten you are with them mind.
Be patient, establish the strong bond you are yearning for and the rest will fall into place. Holding off on what your libido is telling you will pay off in spades in the long run.
Number 9
One small, but important habit that needs to be broken, is introducing your new woman/man as your girlfriend/boyfriend. In doing this, you might come off as insecure, making sure everybody knows you have a girlfriend/boyfriend. You’re much better off simply saying, “This is Mary/Bill” to your friends — they’ll understand the nature of your relationship by the public displays of affection you shower her/him with, as well as the little mannerisms couples seem to exhibit.
Don’t tell everyone you’re dating; instead, simply imply it. They’ll be impressed by the way you show them off without putting her on display.
Number 8
It is quite easy to slip into a comfort zone once you start settling into a “couple’s routine,” but the worst thing a man or woman can do is take their new friend for granted. Treating her as a long-time wife in a dull marriage is not the way to go and visa a versa. If this is already happening, then you have contributed to your own downfall, as they are probably feeling unwanted and unappreciated.
No good can come from making anyone feel like baggage and letting yourself naïvely think they’ll always be there for you. Remember how lucky you are to be with such a person and tell them things that will make them feel special.
Number 7
Although a serious commitment is what you want, there is no need to pressure anyone early on. Saying, “I love you” prematurely is a big no-no, as your girlfriend might feel forced to respond or may even reject you on the spot. Any talk of the future, like laying out plans for marriage and kids, can scare a woman off more than your rampant back hair.
Show your affection by reaching for her hand as you walk in the mall, touching her arm as you converse across the dinner table and making eye contact when she is talking to you. Don’t feel that you have to display your new found love right away — at the beginning of a relationship, it’s all about taking things slow.
Number 6
It is imperative not to get into a pattern of buying your way into their heart. You may have purchased a tasteful gift in the early stages of dating, but now that you both feel there is a future together, it’s time to put away the plastic every time you see some nice jewelry.
In addition to that, you’re actually wasting your money, spending it irresponsibly on them instead of saving up for something extremely significant — like your future. If you make sound decisions about what to get each other at opportune times, the presents will mean more to you both and will leave less of a dent in your bank account. Neglect showering with presents early on so that no one get used to the treatment.
Number 5
It is true that you should be yourself around your new friend, but remember to hold off on displaying different facets of your personality until the right time. If you’re a great cook, knowledgeable art lover and even a handyman around the house, don’t let them know of your skills all at once.
One by one, when the need arises, reveal the things you know they’ll love about you. In doing so, you compound an already growing love for you and offer fresh qualities for them to appreciate. By showing off too much initially, you leave little to liven the relationship later on.
Number 4
Taking a new friend to a family gathering the first few months into dating can often be misconstrued as too serious a move. Although you love your parents and quirky Uncle Bob, it is best to introduce your family at a time when she’ll easily understand your motives and be able to put up with some uncomfortable questions from a rude grandfather.
Early on, their feelers are busy enough trying to establish if you are “the one”; throwing family into the mix is simply too much too soon. Of course, don’t shy away from mentioning your love for them and the fact that your mother will adore them, but keep it at that until the time is right.
Number 3
You might feel the need to always pour on the charm in each other’s presence, but this is actually the wrong vibe to emit. Sooner or later they’ll realize the phoniness of your actions — your friend wants you, not an actor. By being “super romantic” all the time, the originality and shock value that special nights should provide will be non-existent.
Once in a while, surprising them with a candlelight dinner or some flowers will score big points, but pick your situations carefully and spread them out. Let them know that you do in fact have a romantic side, but tone it down and let little daily actions bear more importance than big productions.
Number 2
The last thing you want to do at the beginning of a budding relationship is put them down. More than any other time, it is in the first stages that you should be open-minded and accepting of their ways and habits. That is not to say that you should constantly give them a piece of your mind once you’ve settled in with her/him. It’s important to keep in mind that you are walking on thin ice the first couple of months, and if you judge immediately and frequently, they’ll be out the door in no time.
Hold your tongue, be understanding and be careful with your words so as not to hurt each other. Some would say there is no right time to express your opinion negatively when a relationship starts, but if you feel a strong need to do so, make your comment a mere suggestion and not an insult. Instead of “That dress is ugly,” say “I preferred the beautiful black one you wore on New Year’s Eve.”
Note: Her/his annoying habit of asking you a lot of questions is one thing, but her/his extremely possessive behavior is another. If there’s a serious issue at hand, it’s a good idea to let your new friend know before things get out of hand.
Number 1
A fundamental issue that is essential in any flourishing relationship is honesty. Telling lies or omitting pertinent things about yourself (like “forgetting” to tell her you love partying full tilt every Saturday night) will only lead to problems later on. Laying your habits — and everything else that makes you tick — out on the table is the only way to start a relationship you hope will last a long time.
Of course, sometimes little white lies cannot be avoided, but remember the bottom line: Don’t lie about important things. No good can come from saying you come from a rich family when in fact you don’t, or claiming you’re a subdued intellectual when in fact you prefer beer and football to talking about Tolstoy, any day.